Current mood:

worried

A possible problem (and some other stuff)
I like using this journal. Really, I do. However, it just seems that most of the time my thoughts are too beclouded for me to make any good use out of this service, despite the fact that I use it to assist me in eliminating that problem. It can be rather difficult for me to gather and sort out my thoughts necessary in constructing written works or verbal presentations. Even type-as-I-think-ing doesn't produce optimal results. Today seems to be a better, brighter day (a good thing) for me and my brain, so I should take advantage of that.

I've got the job at K-mart. Nothing special about that, except that now I got a employee discount card which saves me 10% on the total cost of all purchases I make. That's quite a lot, with all things considered, and it gives me a good reason to shop at k-mart (Now that I think about it, that's probably a reason why this employee benefit exists in the first place). The workplace requires their employees to wear a red vest with a name tag only, which is good because anything more than that is unnecessary and a burden onto the employees. It's also cheaper, and more efficient. More stores should take after such an example and eliminate full body uniforms.

... I've talked to my dad recently, and he told of me some rather poor news. The stuff he babbles about is usually irrelevant to me, and I take measures in ignoring it, but this time he spoke of something that, unless some other alternative is available, will severly effect the quality of my living. My dad lives in the house that once belonged to my late great grandmother (who lived her during her later years). It wasn't rightfully his, but he forced himself in anyway. He did this around 10 years ago. Well, my great grandma died recently, and so the ownership of the house is up in the air, with her oldest childern, whom hold the surname of Audibert, claiming ownership of it. My father claims he has a will signed to him, but from what I know of him he's probably just trying to bullshit his way through this mess. Anyway, the Audiberts created a court case over it, which lasted over the past few months. Unfortunately, this is where the bad news comes in:

My father lost.

Normally, I wouldn't care about such matters, but as it has been said before: "Shit flows downhill", and ever since the day I was born I've always been at the bottom of the hill. So, unless my father can get through this mess, there's the possiblity that he'll attempt to live with my grandmother. That means he'll staying with me. I CAN NOT be with that man for any longer than a few hours, so you can understand how I feel about having to share a house with him. Not only that, but my grandmother is very ill, and she has a close friend named Mr.Joe who handles her medication and health requirements. My dad already said "Ah can't live with mr.joe, ahs can't stand him, so if he'd muv out everythang be okay with us. yup yup, it'd be perfect :B". Such foolishness! My dad would surely fail the responsiblity of taking care of my grandmother, either through the abusive use of narcotics available to him or maybe even cause her severe greif with his extremely obstinant and oppressive ways. Let me also note that there's the possiblity that my father could just purposely neglect my grandmother, since her death would earn him a new establishment, at least temporary. Despite how horrible that may seem, it's completely possible. He is a VERY dellusional human being, who can be and often is very irrational. The contriversal death of my uncle has even been associated with his efforts. Although I wouldn't know the validity of that rumor, the principle behind it still stands. To be honest, I don't think a single lj entry would allow me to go into all the problems that would emerge from having to conexist with that man on a daily basis, but I don't plan to. The point is that I've had enough to deal with in my life. I moved in with my grandma two and a half years ago to get away from my troubles, to rid myself of some of the pain and suffering I have to deal with on a daily basis, and now it's being all thrown back into my face, and I have no control over the matter whatsoever. It was bad enough that the reacquaintence with my mother only porcured little money and empty sympthany and advice, it was bad enough that a sleazy woman came into my grandmothers life disguised as a friend who afterwards took advantage of her failing mental health and got two cars, it was bad enough that my dad drained my grandmother's bank account of 13000 dollars to buy him a new Jeep Grand Cherokee when that money could of rightfully went towards me, but now this is just getting to be too much. I can't really control any of this, so all I've been doing is trying my best to stablize my environment and in the process make my life as comfortable as I can. Life has been very bad for me, I got no one to turn to but myself, and it's practically been this way for as long as I've breathed air. . On an unrelated note, Harlock often seems to not understand why I'm like how I am (often depressed, self-destructive, etc...). I thought it would be obvious by now, but this entry should at least just provide some clear insight into the nature of my daily affairs.

Anyway, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I might just move in with my brother, although I doubt that'd solve my issues but rather replace them with new ones. Herohouse/ Harlock, Linda, and Nova's apartment has yet to come to frutition, and I currently have no money anyway, so that's out the question. Speaking of money, I don't know how long I can hold this job now. I might just have to quit it soon, and since it's wage-based, earning sufficient money in time is probably not possible...

It always seems as if doing my best to be who I like to be brings me senseless opposition no matter the circumstances, so maybe I might just forsake the world and adopt a ruthless, uncaring attitude towards it. As a "youknowho" I could easily do as I please, since I'd have a huge mass of mindless people to grant me unconditional access and power over everything imaginable. Of course, due to my self-ingraved beliefs I'd still achieve this status with the intent of destroying it all in the depths of my mind, but by establishing such strong control it would take even more personal effort to undo it. Not only that, chances are good I'd still have others who would share the same position as I do, so I wouldn't have all the power. Anyway, you all probably should not take this paragraph too seriously, as it was a rather poor effort to amuse myself.

Despite all this ranting, there's still no certainty as to what will become of the future. Maybe I'm just being overly pessimistic, or possibly even a bit dellusional. Only time will tell the answers though, so until then all I can do is plan and wait.