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Michael Schooley

[ website | Kaiser Atelier ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

THIS JOURNAL IS NO LONGER ACTIVE [13 Jun 2007|08:53pm]
[ mood | content ]

I'm back, but this journal, just like the south and all the crap I'm leaving behind with it, has got to go. I'm so *not* the person who has posted in this journal before that I see no reason to try to update and continue this one for what it was. I'll keep it around in case I might want to use it for something else, such as game design progress, but I'm currently thinking that the best thing to do is to have one journal that unifies all that I write. We'll see.

With that said, point your browsers to:

http://novahero.livejournal.com

That's my new journal! I want to keep it updated regularly as it reflects on my new life ahead of me.

Transform and roll out

left uncontrolled, nature is stupid, useless, and harmful [20 Dec 2005|09:56pm]
[ music | Louisiana Leroux - New Orleans Ladies ]



BLAH BLAH SAVE THE TREES! HUG THEM AND SUCH :O

I don't understand it. How can somebody who has a job and earns a decent amount of money not find a new home? I managed to live a simple but honest lifestyle, earning my keep and keeping things plain for myself so as to clear the mind and etc, but a hurricane took almost everything away except a spare vehicle -- that isn't even mine technically -- and my means of earning money, so now I'm without a place to stay. To explain the reason, I should recap the most relevant thing that happened since the storm (ignoring the near-starving escapades and navigating a looter's wasteland and FLAILING LIVE POWERLINES X_X and broken glass on bare feet and wearing the same soaked clothes for a week and etc).

I managed to secure a small amount of space at a friend's house, just enough to use a computer, play video games, and have a space on the floor to sleep (YES I KNOW DEJAVU HARLOCK THE SUBJECT IS NOT GOING THERE TRUST ME IM SORRY K? GOD :( ) -- my necessities to make sure I can look forward to another day of working at Sam's Club. Well, this sounds like a functional situation, right!? Too bad I haven't found a permanent or near-permanent place to call home since then. Now, the residents of this house won't accept my idea of letting me pay rent or do anything to earn a longer presence. It has nothing to do with me personally, I promise you that much, it's just they prefer to have their "own" house. Or something. Well, being that I'm not one to have anything to say against that, I'm basically left to face the reality of being homeless.

I would be okay with that if it wasn't for the fact that I really didn't do anything to deserve it this time. For the past whole year I managed to make a life out of paying rent for room and board shared with an old pal of mine, owning and maintaining a very nice car, and going to work. But guess what: 'Hurricane Katrina'. Bazam, booya, in your face and all that. After that happened, I managed to pull together enough of my life to keep working, driving a car -- albeit a very inferior car compared to what I owned and invested money into -- and using a computer, but now all without the ability to live someplace. I have no more potential roommates here (said roommate pal lost his entire home; I helped him break down the door that held me prisoner in a living room that was completely submerged in goopy, home furnishing-filled water ), my mother lost her home and is now living in Texas, and the rent has FUCKING SKYROCKETED on any available apartment; it's not like I could afford one by myself prior to katrina anyways.

Well, the thing is, if I have to live in a car I might as well live someplace where good things happen outside of what *I* make happen. In that sense, I'm thinking about going back to Florida and living in a car there, or whatever. That's right, THAT's the catch. Despite as much of a fool and a slouch and a grouch and a nincompoop I was towards Harlock, family and friends thereof, I really enjoy the company. Even if it means my experience with said company would be limited to spying on them with a telescope lurking from the bushes across from his apartment window. Actually, It's happening right now! :O)

In all seriousness, though, my situation is grim but I don't care about it. I have no shame for suggesting the idea of moving back to florida. Of course, I regret extremely the grief I gave to harlock and his family. Towards that end, I most definitely apologize (and must do so on better terms then some LJ entry). However, what I mean to say is that regardless of what happens, what people think of me, or the circumstances that I live under I think I'd prefer the new location if only it meant simply being around a sense of honest, LIFETASTIC living. I hate what southern louisiana has turned into for me. It wasn't much to begin with but whatever good things I had to enjoy here are pretty much gone for the most part.

I think that covers it. I'm glad I wrote this, it's probably one of the few entries I made in this journal that I feel is an actual honest effort to recollect and express my mind. At some point in the future I hope to do this again from my own computer.

4 Autobots| Transform and roll out

A foolish friend being lost to thanatos, the likes of which balanced by positive news [17 Jan 2004|09:02pm]
[ mood | good ]
[ music | Tool - Lateralis ]

Yeah, I know I haven't updated this journal in a bit, but that's because I've not adjusted to having this responsibility (again?). Bear with me, people ;_;...

Overall, the past week or so has been rather eventful, but not worth documenting entirely, I think. Too much time wasted in-between activities that could have been done much faster, such as acquiring food, trading belongings, etc. However, as always, the essential matters do call attention. The most prominent of which, sadly, is that a friend of mine from the local area, one whom showed much promise for becoming great, has exposed a terrible flaw that will most probably destroy any potential he may have. Around two nights or so ago, he came to me and admitted his use of narcotics, backed up by some petty, cliche rationalization; "i just use them the same way a scientist uses a microscope... to enhance my hearing and senses and to help me be much more creative," he said. This nonsense upset me greatly, so I decided to make the effort to show him the reasons why one would never want to do such a thing. I explained to him that he can redefine the activity and results all he wants, but all these efforts at rationalizing the use of drugs are shattered when put in front of the essential truth behind the action, which is that marijuana and every other associated drug, whatever it may be, when taken for the purposes that unite them, act to destroy the mind's functionality. "hitting it" (the slang term for using drugs) causes unpredictable disruption and distortion to the mind, taking the responsibility of thought away, with the only thing left over after one "shakes it out" (another slang term, I guess) is permanent damage in the form of destroyed brain cells, which dictate mental strength. How can that contribute to learning, when your means of thinking, of recognizing reality and understanding it, is being broken down and turned into crap? You just end up a babbling, slowwitted sponge of a human being, with your vocabulary reduced to "woah..." and "dude...." Or, in other words, "cooked" (yet another slang term, this time representing mental degeneration). No matter what I said, though, all he replied with was "i feel as though it's enlightened me," and "you would think differently if you tried it!" proving that he just pretty much ignored everything spoken, yet, ironically, proved that what I was saying is true. My reasons given are reality-based truths, nonnegotiable and nonrefundable. How can he just continue to deny? So, I got harlock to assist me, and we three created a chat room through trillian to allow harlock to take up the boxing gloves. His explanation proved to be more oriented in exposing the value behind refusing drugs, using a good example, outdoing my effort at shooting off factual discourse that assumes one shares the values necessary to understand the reasons given (life is learning -_-). Well, during harlock's effort, my friend quickly thanked him for his time and took his presence elsewhere, leaving us to wonder if our efforts made a difference. I can only assume that his quick leave was due to being alarmed to the truth of the words spoken, but nothing is known for sure so far. If there is anything positive to be said on the issue in the future, I'll keep this journal updated on that news. Now with that said, it's time for...

::GOOD NEWS!::

I don't think I put this in my journal yet, but someone I know from the local area was kind enough to give me his old video card, a RADEON 9500 NON-PRO AGP. This is a huge upgrade over what I was using previously, an XTASY-brand GeFORCE 4 MX 420 PCI (gotta love those caps enhancing impact, lol :D). The technology itself of my old card might be somewhat comparable to the radeon, but the fact that it operates using the PCI port rather than AGP is a serious bottleneck to performance in everything involved in modern computer use. Now with my new AGP card, programs load faster, there are less system hang-ups, and, of course, gameplay is seriously easier to handle now (and capable of being much better looking, too ^-^). Now, if only I can do something about upgrading this 56k connection...

I finally figured out a critical theme-integration idea for Arms of Morpheus, my current game project, and it has helped immensely to further my conceptualization of the game. You see, I'm using the ohrrpgce (official hamster republic role playing game creation engine) for development, and I was stuck trying to figure out how to incorporate my combat ideas into the battle engine successfully. If anybody reading this entry has ever used the program meaningfully, they'd get ideas as to why I'd have some problems. The engine is quite strict about how the battle system operates, being built on a structure similar to final fantasy 4's system, albeit with some added tweaks and improved functionality. It's great for what it does, but the fundamental design is hard-coded, and can't really be transformed into anything else. So, knowing this, I had to approach brainstorming differently. After playing around with the engine, the solution hit me. As usual, it was a simple and obvious one -_-. Reintroducing myself to how great the overall engine is, I realized that almost anything will work out provided you build ideas on top of its capabilities while respecting the engine for what it does, rather than attempting to force ideas onto it and make it adapt to them. It's too stubborn to agree to the latter ;[. Now, with the new ideas I concieved using that solution's logic, all my concepts integrate and act totally in accordance with what the ohrrpgce offers. Yay! btw, I'd explain what ideas I'd talking about exactly, but I don't want to divulge anything during this stage of creation. Patience!

Harlock introduced me to a web hosting service that offers an exceptionally good package of " 500mb, 5gb monthly transfer a month, with 50 pop3 addresses, as well as the ability to have up to 100 subdomains. the server also includes support for cgi, php3 and 4, mysql, etc, basically everything," quoted from him directly. And what it costs? Nothing finanical out of the user, supposedly. " it's totally free for 3 years, then after those 3 years you can either cancel or subscribe to a pay package. i think one of the ways they're getting away with it financially is that the free one comes with a non-personalized domain name, something like 2435809245.honk.com, and they charge $6 a year for registering a domain name" more quoting from Harlock Hero (hope you don't mind!). I haven't looked into it myself yet, but it sounds great so far, and presents me another excellent hosting opportunity I can use. It expires on the 20th of this month (janurary 04), but I plan on subscribing soon. Like, 'within the next several hours of this post' soon.

As for myself, I've been frusturated with my lackadaisical approach to the visual arts, specifically drawing and the like, and have been desiring to pick up the pen once more (where have I heard that before? deja vu -_-;) to pursue further development of my visual artistic skills. I have all the tools necessary to do it both competently and goodly, so it should come down simply to a matter of willpower when pursuing this task. I mean to do this because this skill is very important. Not only do I enjoy the results of drawing in themselves, but the skill is necessary for the ease of execution behind my other art-related tasks, such as game creation and website design. In the future, after I move from my current location, I plan on pursuing my much-delayed music potential. The reasons behind not pursuing that right now is because it isn't a effort-halting element within my current projects, and also because it would cost me a good deal of money to pursue the tools of composition and education (keyboard, midi equipment, books, etc.). Anyway, to motivate myself, maybe I can have a drawing to present every journal update, with a link to it. I can use my future hosting (which will most probably be the offer talked about in the previous paragraph) to host the images...

That's about it, for now...

... I feel uncomfortable ending entires so suddenly, without an ending statement of some sort. :/ Ah well, what needs to be said is said, so fair enough, I suppose.

3 Autobots| Transform and roll out

A little I said about the books I've read, and their authors [07 Jan 2004|07:47am]
(In response to harlock asking me what I thought asbout the last unicorn)
HarlockHero: oh yeah, i saw that you had read that
HarlockHero: what did you think?
kagerioshu: it was one of the best works I have read. It's theme of "To know love, you must know change so that the events of today can be appreciated, for they don't last forever" (at least, that's what I have come to the conclusion of) is so well embedded in all facets of the writing, that it's almost absurdly good
kagerioshu: and it's writing carries itself with a gentle, yet inflexible strength
kagerioshu: did you read all of my entry?
HarlockHero: yeah
HarlockHero: yesterday
HarlockHero: i actually think its one of the most deceptively complex things i've ever read, also
HarlockHero: it's straightforward in a lot of ways, but there are so many ideas that are pointed at, gestured at, nodded towards, and so forth
kagerioshu: yeah, I noticed that myself
kagerioshu: there are certain times in which the writing takes a peculiar turn for as short as maybe a few sentences, yet in that time a frame of mind might have been crafted so as to create another concept all together
kagerioshu: I wish I could give an example, but that's require concrete reference
kagerioshu: I don't have the book available anymore :O
HarlockHero: i know what you mean, its what i was referring to as well
kagerioshu: I also am enjoying the dark tower saga very much too. It's not entirely my style, as it has a gritty, sometimes dirty, prose, with a lot of the action being black & white images of something strongly psychotic, yet so far it has always retained a shameless, prideful spirit in the end
kagerioshu: don't get me wrong about it. I enjoy the writing for those reasons, because it's something entirely different from anything else I read
kagerioshu: and I believe that is stephen king's storytelling hallmark
HarlockHero: yeah, king is only like 90% pure moreally speaking but among the best nonetheless
HarlockHero: yeah
HarlockHero: morally*
kagerioshu: ayn rand has a very enjoyable style, too. She may not have completely mastered her own art, but it is all due to the fact that she completely pours herself into what she writes so much that she gets caught up in what she is expressing without keeping it controlled. But, it shows that she takes what she does extremely seriously, and also, suprising as it may seem, very personally/subjectively. Her means of writing may say "objective" but it's the investment of her passions, fears, and hopes turning into what is written that make it so meaningful and impressive
Transform and roll out

Strange encounter [06 Jan 2004|01:53pm]
I pulled this from a conversation I was having with an acquaintance from my area. I figured it would be easier to do that rather than just type it out all over again. btw, in this group of people most people go by online aliases to some extent, so when I mention "mullet" I am referring to another person I know.



FOOwaHampster [2:45 AM]: ah man last night i was listening to this streaming radio station and this british dj cuts in during a song and hes like 'a lo, giv us a li' le smahl woncha? and it killed me so hard cause i was all into the song
N0v4k41s3r [2:45 AM]: hah
N0v4k41s3r [2:45 AM]: that reminds me
N0v4k41s3r [2:46 AM]: have I told you about the black-haired lady I came across on my bicycle awhile back?
FOOwaHampster [2:46 AM]: no!
N0v4k41s3r [2:46 AM]: I was riding back from some place about a week or two ago
N0v4k41s3r [2:46 AM]: and some lady wearing a dress suit was walking down the sidewalk on westhall
N0v4k41s3r [2:47 AM]: she's just looking forward and stuff, not really doing or saying anything otherwise
N0v4k41s3r [2:47 AM]: and when I start to pass her
N0v4k41s3r [2:48 AM]: her head shoots straight up with angry eyes and she yells "FUCK SNAKE!!!"
N0v4k41s3r [2:48 AM]: I was like "what?!" and I rode away
FOOwaHampster [2:48 AM]: ahahahaa
FOOwaHampster [2:48 AM]: holy crap
N0v4k41s3r [2:48 AM]: what's even crazier is that I saw her again today
FOOwaHampster [2:48 AM]: are you serious ah god damn ahahaha
N0v4k41s3r [2:48 AM]: I went to get motherboard risers for the new case mullet gave me
N0v4k41s3r [2:48 AM]: completely honest, dude
N0v4k41s3r [2:49 AM]: I just kinda let it slide out of my memory because I figure no one would find it plausible enough to find it funny
N0v4k41s3r [2:49 AM]: anyway, I was riding back
N0v4k41s3r [2:50 AM]: this time, I saw the woman wearing a jump suit, same street, a little bit further
N0v4k41s3r [2:50 AM]: and when I ride by she looks up again with an alarmed expression and yells "DON'T DEAL DAMN SHIT MARY ANN!!"
FOOwaHampster [2:50 AM]: ahahahaha
N0v4k41s3r [2:51 AM]: it was then that I figured she has schizotypal disease or something
N0v4k41s3r [2:51 AM]: because it has to be some kind of psychological trigger when confronting other people or some such
FOOwaHampster [2:51 AM]: lol thats crazy, how the hell could you have a job like that
N0v4k41s3r [2:51 AM]: I think she has some kind of schedule, because it was the same time of the day
N0v4k41s3r [2:51 AM]: 12 noon - 1:30
N0v4k41s3r [2:52 AM]: yeah, I don't know what's going on
N0v4k41s3r [2:53 AM]: I told derek originally, but he was just like "smoo" and went back to playing CS
N0v4k41s3r [2:54 AM]: because the first time I saw her I figured I might as well go to dereks
FOOwaHampster [2:55 AM]: that's the craziest thing i've heard in a while
FOOwaHampster [2:55 AM]: i should get a bike and ride around there for a while lol
FOOwaHampster [2:55 AM]: i bet it's the bike!
FOOwaHampster [2:55 AM]: cause like she sees you coming and she gets all nervous
FOOwaHampster [2:55 AM]: and its just building as you get closer
FOOwaHampster [2:56 AM]: and thens its just FUCK SNAKE!!!
N0v4k41s3r [2:56 AM]: it might be. It always freaks the hell outta me because she seems so normal until I get close to her
N0v4k41s3r [2:56 AM]: then she has some kind of neurological attack
N0v4k41s3r [2:56 AM]: her face gets all like O_O!!!!
N0v4k41s3r [2:56 AM]: then she screams something
N0v4k41s3r [2:56 AM]: and then everything goes back to normal when I pass her
N0v4k41s3r [2:57 AM]: yeah, you're probably right. I'm gonna put this in my livejournal
Transform and roll out

2003 Summarization [05 Jan 2004|02:16pm]
[ mood | pleased ]

Preface:
I would prefer to use this entry to explore the following matters and events in a more fufilling manner, but due to the fact that I've not updated this journal in so long, I feel it is necessary to summarize only the accomplishments of the previous year so that I may get on with more recent happenings. It's still pretty big, though, so you don't have to read it unless you care to know. It's here for personal reference so that I may have the year 2003 essentialized, but somebody may find what I have to say about some things to be interesting. Also, I don't like typing so stoically, but I can't really personalize these events because of the summarization and the fact that I'm not writing them during the times in which they happened. Being caught up in what you've done lends a good deal to conveying something that can capture the situations more realistically, and so I suppose I lost that chance for these old matters, but I'm not going to hold that against me. I still have so much future to look forward to, and so much more stuff to post in the future, so read on, if you will..


Sometime around the latter parts of 2002 and into the following year, I came to consciously recognize the fact that in order to improve myself in any way realistically, I must build, strengthen and sharpen my thinking with the proven means available to mankind: art and science. Because the means by which most knowledge is recorded and the most prominent platform for art is literature, I decided to pursue reading in and of itself as my first step towards improvement. Since then, I have managed to read a decent bit of nonfiction, the most notable of which are everything up to volume 4: Wizard and Glass of Stephen King's Dark Tower saga, Ayn Rand's Anthem, and Peter S. Beagle's The Last Unicorn. Nonfiction works include completely reading HTML Complete 2.0, and a lot of Objectivist philosophical materials, pretty much all of which was penned by Ayn Rand. Unfortunately, it became apparent to me that you can find a good deal of work out there, both fiction and non-fiction, that is the result of a lot of confused, ambitousless, unfulfilled, or just plain nonsensical efforts. I know this because my efforts at finding reading material without good references lead me into skimming over a lot of subpar, misleading, or just plain pointless writings. I suppose it's due to the fact that it's so easy to simply pick up a pen and start writing something that there is so much junk that can be read. I think that predicament is a very good thing, though, because that easiness and simplicity also allows anybody with great desires to pursue producing quality works without expending many resources. That much has been proven to me by the good literature I've read already. Because it's so convenient, who cares about dealing with the crap when you can simply occupy yourself with the quality writings available, as well as make the effort to produce something great without being restricted anymore than anyone else? Too bad I can't find myself with the ability to determine the quality and content of a book without reading much of it to the same extent I can with games by means of analyzing their packaging, looking over ads, etc. I suppose a perk like that will develop to a greater extent in due time, once I become more seasoned with literary experiences.

Around May I made a second trip to visit the noble Harlock Hero, this time staying at his parent's apartment, where he lived and continues to do so. During my stay there, we've ate at several excellent restaurants, purchased quality art, and subjected ourselves to the various forms of said quality art, most notably of which was Mobile Suit Gundam. Harlock is very familiar with that animation, of course, but it was a new experience for me, one that left me for the better, as it proved to me just how great an animated series can be. Harlock and I, as well as Linda to an extent, engaged in numerous martial duels, some of which left Harlock and I with fractured fingers :(. On that subject, Harlock is particularly mention-worthy, for he managed to seriously smash my right index finger two times consecutively and a third time on the following day X_X. Little after the moment of the third blow, I honestly thought I would require surgery(-ies??) to fix the mangled mess my hand had become, but it survived very well, thank goodness. After a week or so, the three of us made our efforts to finalize our costumes, or in my case, start one, for the anime convention Jacon 2003. I had the task of having to use various store-bought furnishings with what was available at their home while Linda and Harlock completed the touches on their costume designs. Harlock and Linda had originally planned to go as a combination of Locke and Celes from Final Fantasy 6, but being that Linda procrastinated a bit, she ran into some problems with the functionality of her costume's straps, the likes of which she found herself without time to fix. Fortunately, she managed to pull together a last minute Kimono dress with accompanying fan that proved to look very good and provide a pleasantly themed clothing to present at the convention. My efforts towards creating a costume proved to be more successful than I imagined, for it so happened that my good sense of aesthetics and imagination led me into crafting a vampire-hunter-theme with an unusual blend of authenticity and fantasy, picked with a consistent color combination of blue, black, and brown, and finished with some creative accessories. It seemed that this setup was a refreshing change to what one could typically expect at a convention, such as styrofoam breast plates, plastic hair, and aluminum swords, because so many people were complementing me on my clothing as well as requesting that I let them take a picture of me. As for Harlock, his locke costume was a seriously excellent piece, representing one of Yoshitaka Amano's finer designs. However, the greatness of his costume was lost on many people at the convention, due to the fact that most people attending have an interest in more mainstream and current productions, rather than an acquired taste that requires significant recognition of past art and the quality that lies therein. But, he found himself in some photos too, some of which were taken with me. Some of these should still be available at the following links:

http://www.risingsun.net/gallery/jacon2003/34/source/j2003-2075.shtml

http://www.risingsun.net/gallery/jacon2003/34/source/j2003-2076.shtml

http://www.risingsun.net/gallery/jacon2003/37/source/j2003-2287.shtml


In recent months, I've pursued further conceptualization of my concurrent game designs, and, in the process of this effort as well as my ventures into all the art that I have been subjected to during 2003, I've come to understand greatly the nature of artwork and the means by which one designs art. I've always had a general idea of what it means to create art as well as how to go about it, but I never really clarified the effort and recognized it as a matter of philosophy until recently. To be honest, it's almost amazing to know how sophisticatedly simple a process art creation is, and I'd like to talk about my discovery, but I think it's best I hold that off for another future entry. For now, just know that I have made excellent progress in the design of my games.

As for this journal...

Well, it's a sad thing that I have abandoned it on so many occasions. A good deal of this latest hiatus is due to the fact that, until recently, I have been without an internet account to call my own. Because of a lack of attention on my father's behalf, my aol access was terminated around June, and thus I have not participated in much online activity since then. However, that is not to say that I am without fault. It should be obvious to any aspiring person that my predicament can't prevent me from using my journal, because something like the loss of personal internet access doesn't eliminate the possibility of using other means outside of my home. I've managed to use the local library computers and those of a few acquaintances to make contact with Harlock Hero on numerous occasions, so that alone proves that I was more than capable of simply going to Livejournal.com and utilizing the editing functions available through the site. The real problem, I think, was my lack of interest in sustaining this effort. I really didn't have a strong concept of the benefits of maintaining a journal, and I suppose that's because my livejournal is my only real experience with journals and their usage. Knowing that this system is structured with social contact as a key element, I let myself be distracted with that rather than use it for the actual purposes of enhancing and sustaining mindfulness towards living, concept building, and clarification of acquired concepts. However, it was due to the fact that I was away from my journal that led me into realizing the importance of it. See, being without internet has given me the time to rediscover the desires and hobbies that led me to use a computer in the first place, which in return allowed me to reflect on my identity and restructure my goals. As a result, I was once again lead to consciously recognize my purpose in living. Right now, for better or worse, that's something of which I have yet to build beyond a general idea of artistic pursuit stemming over the next few years of my life. I suppose I really shouldn't worry beyond that, though... or at least, not from that perspective. It's really a matter of having the ideal philosophy and exercising it to take action for the moment so that the moment can build into the future, because it's your actions right now that are constantly deciding what next will happen and lead into an overall course of life that can be recognized and understood. You can't really put yourself in a completely predicted situation with the proper elements in ten years without knowing all the influences and factors that can lead up to that point in the future, and that sort of thing is an impossible task. The universal content is not completely controllable, but if anything is to happen like you want it, it requires constant activity in accordance to your desires, and if those desires are to be clear, that activity is to be wise and efficient, you need to have the philosophy guiding them. That's where a journal helps... This requires brutal honesty with myself, so I want to abandon any pretenses I may have built with this journal and get on with what I want to do. I think Optimus Prime would agree with me. On that note, I shall end this entry with a, simple, yet faultless quote from the semi-truck champion himself:

"This time, no force in the universe can stop me."

2 Autobots| Transform and roll out

Results of "Which Heinlein Book Should You Have Been A Character In?" [19 May 2003|02:57pm]
The cat who walks through walls
You belong in the Cat Who Walks Through Walls. You
are creative and cunning. Your works often
feel empty to you, though others love them.
You suspect that the universe and everyone in
it are just characters in someone else's story.


Which Heinlein Book Should You Have Been A Character In?
brought to you by Quizilla
Transform and roll out

ULTRA STATUS!!!! [19 May 2003|02:32pm]
ARE YOU ULTRA???!

1. DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DOING???! - I strive to have reason for all my actions. After many years of cleaning my mind of foolishness, I now have developed excellent clarity and a sharp ken. However, all I've determined so far is that I want to complete several projects of mine. I haven't actually formed an overall plan... not yet, I haven't.

2. CAN YOU WRITE A SURVEY LIKE THIS OR BETTER THAN THIS IN 19 MINUTES???! - It's possible.

3. DO YOUR DREAMS (THE SLEEP-TYPE, NOT THE ASPIRATION-TYPE) OFTEN HAVE COHERENT PLOTS???! - My dreams rarely manifest into stories. They're usually symbolic representations and metaphors of previous thoughts and experiences.
But, I do have dreams with strong, stable plots from time to time.

4. DO YOU HAVE A PRECISE FAVORITE IN EVERYTHING (I.E., FAVORITE FILM, FAVORITE PERSON, FAVORITE SONG, FAVORITE MEMORY, FAVORITE STORY)???! - Almost everything, but not yet, though. I'm in an awkard situation of having developed my skills and tuned my senses after I've experienced many things. In order to precisely determine favorites in everything, I might just have to re-experience several dozen things.

5. DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT THAT FAVORITE THAT YOUR THROAT HURTS TO TALK ABOUT IT???! - Yes, I've been known to talk about my favorites until I'm dizzy and gasping for air. In the process, I can usually get even the most dull simpleton excited.

6. TO THINK ABOUT IT???! - rational thoughts don't bring me pain! I have only happiness to gain from them, and I plan to keep it that way.

7. CAN YOU SPOT A PERSON OF GENIUS IN THE FIRST HOUR YOU MEET THEM???! - Yes, I'm almost 100% certain I can.

8. IN THE FIRST MINUTE???! - Within a minute, I can determine the general content of a mind and it's capabilites to a reasonable extent

9. DO YOU HAVE AN ARCH-ENEMY???! - No, none of the evils I fight have retaliated with their own mongers... yet. Sooner or later, I'm bound to encounter strong, capable foes on a highly personal level as I continue to fight my good fight.

10. ARE YOU YOUR OWN CULTURE???! - Pretty much, yes. However, not entirely. This is something that shall be taken care fully within the next year or two.

11. HAVE YOU ABSORBED SO MANY MASTERPIECES OF ART THAT YOU HAVE SET UP A SEVERAL-TEIRED RANKING SYSTEM FOR THEM???! - The time of inital absorbtion is over. It's now the time of formulation for me.

12. IS YOUR LIFE STORY OF GREATER AESTHETIC WORTH THAN MOST WRITERS' WRITINGS???! - I'm the same as harlock here. Maybe moreso, maybe less. It depends on your tastes. For me, I think I'm the greatest story of all.

13. IS YOUR AVERAGE SPOKEN SENTENCE BETTER IN STYLE AND DRAMATIC POWER THAN THE DIALOGUE IN THE AVERAGE MASTERPIECE???! - In a strange twist of common reality, I'm more fluent, dynamic, and utterly convincing speaker than I am a writer. However, my writing is far more interesting due to the nature of artful writing being easier to digest than artful speech.

14. CAN YOU SPEAK IN AND THINK IN SEVERAL LANGUAGES BESIDES YOUR BIRTH LANGUAGE???! - a little, yes.

15. JUST AS EASILY AS YOUR BIRTH LANGUAGE???! - nope, not yet. I will be extremely close within two years, though.


16. DO YOU GET MORE WORK DONE ON MOST DAYS THAN MOST PEOPLE DO IN THEIR WHOLE LIVES???! - Again, I'm the same as harlock. ( i only get more work done than most people do in their whole lives on 30% of days. the other 68% i only get more work done than most people do in their entire ADULT lives)
.
17. HAS IT BEEN YEARS SINCE THE LAST TIME YOU'VE BEEN BORED???! - I don't think I've been bored since 98. That was about the time I managed to get a computer. Coincidence? No.

18. DECADES???! - Ask me again in another 16 years.

19. HAVE YOU CREATED YOUR OWN FANTASY WORLD, FOR USE IN A NOVEL OR A GAME, OR OTHERWISE???! -I've created a multi-dimensional theory so I could link SEVERAL Dimensions together.

20. MORE THAN ONE???! - heh. Obviously.

21. ONE WITH ITS OWN LANGUAGE WITH A VOCABULARY OF AT LEAST 100 WORDS???! - No, not yet, unforunately.

22. HAVE YOU MEMORIZED PHRASES FROM THAT LANGUAGE???! - see above :(

23. AND USED THOSE PHRASES IN YOUR EVERYDAY SPEECH???! - I will come the time of post-crafting and propagation of my creations.

24. DID YOU EVER WRITE ANYTHING (FICTION OR NONFICTION) THAT HAS MORE PAGES THAN YOUR AGE (AT THE TIME YOU WROTE IT) MULTIPLIED BY 20???! - To my own dismay, no. But I will soon enough.

25. BY 100???! - no :*(

26. DID YOU EVER HAVE A TEACHER TELL YOU THAT YOU WERE MORE INTELLIGENT THAN THEM OR OTHERWISE MORE ABLE THAN THEM IN MOST REGARDS???! -I've had several teachers care deeply for me, maybe even love me, throughout my schoolastic fiasco.

27. PRIOR TO GRADE 4???! - Yes, Several times.

28. DO YOU SEEK OUT THE MOST DIFFICULT TESTS OF YOUR ABILITIES THAT YOU CAN FIND???! - Yes, of course. How else can I get better?

29. AND MAKE UP MORE DIFFICULT TESTS IF YOU CAN'T FIND ANY HARD ENOUGH???! - yep, I do this often.

30. DO YOU FIND THAT YOU KNOW MORE ABOUT MOST FIELDS OF KNOWLEDGE THAN MANY SPECIALISTS IN THOSE FIELDS THAT YOU TALK TO DO???! - Depends on your definiton of specialist. I regard a specialist as being what harlock is to art. So maybe not, maybe so. I'm quite great, though, and I can bamdazzle the best of them.

31. DO YOU RELEASE SECRET WRITINGS UNDER PSUEDONYMS THAT CONNECT TO EACHOTHER AND EVENTUALLY LEAD TO THE WRITINGS UNDER YOUR OWN NAME, JUST FOR THE FUN OF LEAVING A CRYPTIC TRAIL TO FOLLOW (OR SOMETHING SIMILAR TO THIS)???! - Yes, I've done this before.

32. HAS THE PHRASE 'SINGLE-HANDEDLY REVOLUTIONIZED' (OR SOME VARIANT) BEEN USED TO DESCRIBE YOU (BY SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOURSELF)???! - Heh. Yes, but I wouldn't hold the person(s) to it. They were too excited from being around me.

33. DOES YOUR MERE PRESENCE OVERFLOW WITH SO MUCH ENERGY AND FOCUS THAT IT IS ABSORBED BY THOSE AROUND YOU, SOMETIMES CURING A PERSON'S DEPRESSION FROM A SINGLE CONVERSATION???! - Yes, and I continue to do a better job of this each day!
Transform and roll out

Eat Your Jesus - [04 May 2003|04:09am]
Joel was at church. Of course, he had to be. It was Sunday, after all, and his parents wouldn't dare leave him behind for fear of breaking their perfect image of familyhood. Even if they couldn't be perfect, they can at least make themselves look like they are. Well, in accordance with the images propagated by family church magazines, anyway. Father slipped out of his cum-soaked sweatpants and beer-stained t-shirt to don a more godfearing look consisting of polished dress shoes, pressed slacks, and a coporate-gray jacket, and mother took out the smelly rollers, cleansed her face of funky lime cream, and shaved her legs in favor of looking more attractive in a size 4 dress that cleverly hid a choking girdle and equipping high heels which always messed up her steps. They had their daughter, sister to Joel, endure a whirlwind of perfume and makeup upon her face and several dozen missing hairs due to having her hair tied, untied, and retied with two bows. Her mother is never satisfed with a look if it's older than a day. Of course, as much as he tried to protest, Joel wasn't left out. He had his head assaulted by several combinations of greases and ointments with the purpose of applying rule and dominance over his willful hair, and was forced to wear uncomfortably small leather shoes over his huge, hardy feet because boys with small, fragile feet are considered cute these churchly days. Obviously, in reality, none of this pretense could be up held up for long due to how sickenly expensive and tiresome the process is. But if everyone is to ignore the truth of the matter for sake of living up to tradition's protocol, then by all means go ahead and dress yourself up silly. Those 3 hours of sunday blessings you earn a week's work a respect and admiration by fellow god-seekers.

Now that Joel was at church, he began to get figity. None of this stuff ever made sense to him. Instead, he found it all to be quite a chore, and a purposeless one at that. For all the preaching and singing and yelling and dancing and devil-cursing that went on, none of it seemed to affect nor have anything to do with the reality that existed outside of those stained-glass double doors. people just return back to their house and once again become the no-knowing, unaccomplished slobs they mask every Sunday. Because of this, he had to find any way in which he can keep his mind distracted from what's going on. However, he liked things that gave him a sense of accomplishment, so what he did was focus on making making every occurance and situation a game. He liked to toy with the idea of how many of the choir boys could fit inside the female singer's mumu, and how long they could tolerate it in there. He also liked to imagine replacing the sacred mother mary statue with one of Charles Darwin.

However, the preacher today had something different to say that caught Joels attention more than the purple flith the preacher used to keep his sensitive face from chafing.

"Everyone, I believe that nobody here has accepted god more than I have. That's besides the point, though. God-Fearing Monthly has printed an article explaining how the spirit of jesus and all his virtues can never be inside enough people nor can people have enough inside them. However, they give no solution to this predicament. That shouldn't be unexpected, though. The nature of humanity limited capacity for processing correct thoughts is undeniable. Thus God can never be fully known, and what we do know as today's ideal faith may be tomorrow's heresy..."

Suddenly the choir bursts out:
The nature! The feeble nature of humanity! Nothing can be known, nothing at all, oh no, oh no, oh no...

The preacher continues "Anyway! No need for sounding bummish! What I want us to do is to try and figure out, with our limited minds, a method in which we can all compact more godliness into every hour we're here. Don't worry if your ideas go beyond regular hours, though. Church can last all day, for all God cares!"

And to that, everyone laughed. Everyone except Joel, that is. Hearing this made him do anything but laugh. In fact, he was in a state of alert. A state of stress, if you will, but a state of attention nonetheless.

"HAHAHA, *HONK*, *HONK*, *wheeze* *SnOrt* God, *choke*... save me... *cough*... from this curse.. *A-HEM... of HAPPINESS!!!" the Preacher cried from the depths of his coughing rage. The preacher trembles and shakes to such a extent that the audience shuddered in anticipation of the Godful wraith that they assumed had just entered their beloved priests body. After a minute, the priest cooled off and continued "Ahem... *cough*.. My idea is to get everyone in groups and brainstorm. The first group that comes up with the best idea gets to tithe more!" Then preacher then takes a sip from his trendy bottled Blood of Christ.

And to that the choir hummed in joyful unison:
To tithe is to be close to God, only without as much weath as he. But humans are fundamentally poor and intrinsically miserable, so who cares...

The priest spazes and a quick scattered blast of Jesus's lifeforce precedes a bellowed "AMEN!!~". The priest then wipes his mouth with his robe and says "The power of ephemeral truths have a profound and deep grip on my life like that. Anyway, let's all get to thinking, shall we?"

Everyone nods in approval. Suprisingly, Joel nods too, but not for the same reason. He just felt a hardness building up in his stomach, one that can become an ulcer or kidney stone at any second. But he has no time to think about that, since everyone has already formed into collectivistic mind, thinking unified for the task of producing a single idea that the preacher and, ultimately, God would be pleased with.

Before Joel could do anything, though, he was yanked by his parents into the group they had chosen for him to participate in. He father tells him "Now Joey, we know how hard it is for children to think. After all, they have no purpose fooling with thoughts at such a young age, but please, try your best. For God."

His mother adds "God doesn't like underachievers."

Joel bit his tongue so hard it gave up a trickle of blood, but he kept his furiosity to himself. His parents smiled in approval of themselves, and then took off with their hapless daughter to socalize with their weekend friends. Joel looked at his group. He saw that fat kid down the street that always chewed on his shirt, leaving the cuff a stinky, sticky mess. "God I'm so hungry" The kid whined. Another in his group was this kid named Billy Blagsworth, but he was nobody dangerous because he never bathed and prefered to keep to himself. Everyone else was of the typical lot of youths one would expect at a church. Uncommonly clean, frowning, and pale...

-Bluh, this has went on for far too long, so I'm stopping here. I think most people can see how this will tie into the topic, so that's good enough for me right now-
Transform and roll out

Last Chance Before The Waste - belated, overdue, and not done [04 May 2003|02:01am]
Mellissa Youngheart, in life, was much like every other single mother. She, too, has dealt with all the situations an early mother of seven years is expected to experience. Her son, Kavlas, has been the source of many a messes, poopings, cryings, crashings, and crushings that are to be expected of a young boy. All unintentional, of course, since a boy of such young age can't be expected to know better. Unlike many children, though, he has managed to produce an equal amount of making to counterbalance all the breaking. He was energetic, which also meant he was creative. This, coupled with his quick and eager disposition, led him to please his mother with a figurine made out of forks and spoons just as willing as he was to climb into the nearest cabinent. His mother, Mellissa, being like many other mothers, is guilty of both vices and virtues. She sometimes scolds without reason to vent her frusturations, she watches talk shows to get ill-concieved advice on how to take care of children, and she yells profanities a lot. However, she also dedicates time to reading with her son, playing games and watching him express his energies with drawing and crafting. Most importantly, she feels that although she may not be the best mother (which is true), her efforts at being a mother should not stop.

Today, however, she has been very busy with an important decision. In fact, she has been very busy with this decision for the past few months...

-I may or may not finish this later. Most likely not, though. The only thing that would keep me going is the clever interpretation of the topic. Besides that, the story itself bares little resemblance to good fiction, or at least fiction that I like. Already the concept is too mundane to keep my interest, and without a fantastical twist I think I'd much rather abandon it all together. Still, a decent effort for something I haven't really ever done before-
Transform and roll out

New beginnings [23 Feb 2003|05:10am]
[ mood | absolute ]

There is so many things I need to take care of, hundreds of problems and predicaments that need correction, so many plans that need to be realized. In fact, there is so much I need to do that others may feel overwhelmed by simply being in the presence of me and the responsibilities I must fulfill. The amount of work I have is not an issue, however my problem is that I must figure out where to begin. In the past I repeatedly failed to accomplish anything because I tried to develop some sort of linear, unchanging path to take towards achieving some predetermined concrete model of myself. The path of growth is not a "A to B" process with "B" being the result and "A" being the beginning. It cannot be given such an approach, since what that does is defeat the concept that to grow is to change. Growth is accomplished in steps, with each step taken in realization of my already developed attributes, qualities, and knowledge that ultimately will form the future model of me. Now, in order to begin any sort of growth I need to understand and recognize where I begin. Let's see... My conceptual framework is missing a lot of essential information; it's patchy, what's there is weak and it's foundation lacks solidity. Most of my goals are fuzzy, too incoherent, and the relationship between them and my framework is about the same. So far this means I must...

LEARN!
Yes, I need to learn many things. There is so much to know in life, and I need to apply myself towards learning as much of it I can. Philosophy, the arts, science, knowledge of all sorts... Of course, there is a matter of priorities that must be taken into consideration when learning, with my priorities being my goals, so this leads me to saying that I need to...

DEVELOP MY GOALS!
Although this entry is essentially lending itself to the full establishment of my goals, I still need to realize every aspect of them and continue to strengthen my concepts of them. Also, it's possible that they can be referred to by a single title, since they're a combination of ideals and achievements that are unified under a common theme. However, I have yet to come up with a suitable title. In a future entry I plan on clearly explaining what these goals are and then creating a term that represents them (all to the best of my current ability, of course). Yes, I do realize that finishing this entry without directly explaining the goals kinda makes it appear uninformative, but I think everything that has been written so far states their theme well enough to the strong-minded.

FULFILL MY GOALS!
What good are goals if you don't fulfill them? These goals aren't normal ones. In fact, they're very abnormal. They go above and beyond what most people expect out of themselves in a lifetime of 100 years. Some people think of some of them as being impossibilites by themselves. In fact, a great deal of people wouldn't even begin to understand nor know of the existence of such goals. Because of this, I must consider what my daily activities mean towards the fufillment of them. I must trim the useless from the useful, and apply myself 200% towards what's left over. If I plan to do anything I have set out for myself then I must not waste another second of my life. It's imperative.



... On a mostly unrelated note, this Semagic client seems to have a broken spellchecker. When I go to the LiveJournal tab and click on "Check Spelling" it brings up an error box stating "SpellCheck problem" That disappoints me. However, it's a strong possibility that there's something else to it since all I did was download it and proceed straight to the installation. Maybe it comes as a separate file due to how big spellcheckers normally are? I'll just have to read up on it later.

That's about it for now. Comments are appreciated... from you 7 people who still have me in your buddy list (Not counting you Jsang. j00 just added me). How could so many people just forget about me? That's craziness!

3 Autobots| Transform and roll out

Unbelievable. [22 Feb 2003|11:43am]
I can not believe that I've neglected this journal. It is far too important of a tool to disregard. Mark my words, Livejournal, you have not seen the last of me!

... However, patience is needed for now. I must clean up the trash and master this new "Semagic" client.
1 Autobot| Transform and roll out

Double Agent!!1 [31 May 2002|09:20pm]
[ mood | blagtastic ]






What Type of Villain are You?

mutedfaith.com /
<º>
5 Autobots| Transform and roll out

i say let the women do the lovin' ... i'll jus be me. [24 May 2002|05:29am]
[ mood | blagworthy ]
[ music | Tim Mcgraw - Dont Take The Girl oO':[B ]

work, sleep, blarf, eat, play games, talk to harlock, send him money, sleep, eat, blorf, bleef work, work, blag bloof

that is my weekly pattern, sho nuff. I'm not proud of it, but at least I'm earning money that can be put towards my interests (see below paragraphs). I'd work on computer-related projects, but I am in severe need of a reformat, and I haven't hooked up my new harddrive yet. Anyway, I had great ideas and thoughts to write about, but now at 4 something in the morning I feel more exhausted and less motivated to do such a thing. Instead, I'll just empty random thoughts out of my mind, through the arms, and into the keyboard. It doesn't make up for neglected journalism (I guess you could call this that), but it should suffice for now.

Slidell High Graduation was last night. The streets have been covered with the burnt remains of tire as hundreds of males with blonde tipped hair and obnoxious speaker systems peeled out with their vehicles whenever and wherever they could, as a sign of celebrating their departure of one school system in favor of another. Speaking of which, a horrible crash occurred on Westhall, a street outside of my neighborhood. Harlock knows which one it is, since we trekked it to get to my house. I assume the crash involved a teenager since it was incredibly foolish, a driving into and over the railings of this very small bridge passage. If I'm correct in my assumption of them being teens or at least very young, then the occupants of the vehicle are undoubtedly dead since nobody among the young and foolish wear seatbelts because they make you look responsible and prudent :P

Work has been blag, but I bear with it. It's voluntary, unlike school, and I earn money for it, so all is well. Each day must eventually come to an end, and that much, if sometimes only that, can be looked forward to. And, unlike the other employees, I don't go through the trouble of letting the happenings at work effect my attitude and behavior. I deal with whatever situations that befall me with a calm and methodical approach, not being overwhelmed by the insanity of it all and simply doing what is in both my best interests and the persons I'm dealing with. Speaking of work, after today I have Saturday and Sunday off, then I go back to work on Monday and Tuesday for 8 to 5 each day. >:(! I specifically requested hours no eariler than 1, but after they fulfill such requests they immediately let their complacent ways kick back and then disregard what I desired alltogether. "He'll just have to deal with it cuz I don't feel like managing this mess :P" Deal with it I shall, since it does give me a decent sum of hours (9 each day for a total of 18 in two days), which is crucial when you're getting paid to waste time. 18 hours amounts to 100.80 dollars at K-Mart, which is good. (That's 5.60 dollars an hour, if you didn't know).

I get paid again next Thursday, so I need to return this 128 meg stick of SDRAM I bought in exchange for a 256 meg stick of DDRAM.I came to realize that my current mobo has only 2 slots, both of which are filled with 64 meg sticks. My mobo is fairly new and totes a 600 mhz PIII, so I should be able to handle a bigger, faster stick than 128 SDRAM. During that ram exchange I'll purchase a new video card and Morrowwind, probably (the game is partially responsible for me doing the huge upgrade). I should be able to afford it all, and once I'm done with those purchases I really don't have anything else I immediately desire ... well, except Way of the Samurai, but I can wait for that since I don't feel like immediately paying 50 bucks for a new game again. I'd also like this , that , or those , but they aren't immediate interests, so I plan to save up on the side for one and some mechanical upgrades and supplies to go along with whatever my purchase may be. Some might call it a waste of money, but I find such creations highly fascinating. They certainly do a better job towards reinactment than the ones you can buy for 5 bucks at your local toyshop. Anyway, I'll save my remaining money and put it towards the long, exhausting, and utterly miserable trip that is guaranteed to come within june or early early july

Oh yeah, the Army is putting 7.5 million dollars towards making free games to be bundled with pc gaming magazines in order to promote youthful attention and enthusiasm towards military career pursuits. If it doesn't seal my doom, I plan to put up the COPYRIGHTED >:( article later today, with my opinion on it. For now I'll just say that if the military can recognize the significant influences gaming has and can have, then why must certain people deny the possibly of such art being put towards the substantial and constructive task of 'saving the world'. Give that some thought, naysayers.

... :P *readies acoustic guitar and 10 gallon hat*

Jonnyees Daddy, was taking him fishin', when he wuz eight years olde oO:[B

But little girl came through the front gate, holdin' a fishin pole

His dad looked down and smiled, said he cahn't leave her behind

Son I know you don't wunt her to go, and someday you'll change yer mind ;OP

And Jonny said!:

Take Jimmy Johnson ;O)

Take Tommy Thompson ?:OP

Take my best friend, Boye ):O|

Take anybody that you want as...

long as she don't go! >:'O(

Take any boy in the whhhhrrrruuuullllld

Daddy please, Don't take the girl ;_;

Same ol' boy, same sweet girl, 10 years down the road...

He held her tight and kissed her lips in...

front of the picture show

Stranger came and pulled a gun

grabbed her by the arm

said "If you do what I tell you to do, there won't be any harm"

Take my money, take my wallet, take my credit cards

Here's a watch that my grandpa gave me, here's the key to my car

Mister give it a whirl, but Pleeeeeasssse, don't take the girl ;_;

Same ol' boy, same sweet girl, 5 years down the road

There's gonna be a little woman, she says it's time to go

Doctor says the babies fine, but you'll have to leave

Cuz his momas fadin' fast (like a wo), and

Jonny hit his knees and there he prayed:

take the very breath you gave me

take the heart from my chest

I'll glady take her place, if you let me

make this my last request

take me out of this world

But God, pleeeeeeeaaaaassssseeeee, dhun't take the girl ;_;

...

...

Jonnys daddy, wuz taking him fishing, when he eight years olddeee... ;_; oO':[B ;_;

... :P *puts down acoustic guitar and removes ten gallon hat*

I shouldn't have bothered to do that. :\

That's all for now. Hopefully more can be expected of tonight.



btw: oO:[B represented a silly person with a cowboy hat. Any other additions such as ; or ' can be accredited as being cosmetic addons or effects, such as a mustache and a tear.

1 Autobot| Transform and roll out

yes, honk [05 May 2002|11:43pm]





find your element
at mutedfaith.com.
<º>


That test was pretty hard to follow along, due to the numerous responses following a series of situational questions, so I kinda answered them without giving it all a lot of thought. Surprisingly, the results are highly accurate.
Transform and roll out

Ubiquitous Survey [05 May 2002|06:33am]
[ mood | fucking exhausted dude ]
[ music | Lynard Skynard - Freebird ]

It's been awhile, but I've got that job at k-mart, and for the most part I've been preoccupied with that, gaming, and sleeping. However, I'm managing my time better now (if only because I'm not loafing as much from having to run around frantically) so I can do other stuff like update this journal and draw and etc...
Anyway, I pilfered this survey that dozens of others have taken, and decided to take it myself. I made big answers, but it's because I tend to think of these things as personal tests of reason and introspection rather than just amusing passtimes. Forgive if I start to trail off and sound incomprehensible, but it's now 6 in the morning, and I haven't had sleep in 16+ hours...

1. Can you walk around your house @ night with the lights off and not run into anything? I used to practice this when I was younger, and while doing so I would mentally visualize my surrounding area and see how well I percieved them. I would do this when I was bored, to both test my abilites and to adjust the way I utilize my visual senses in order to capture the most detail in the least amount of time.

2. Ever put off emailing for over a month? It's not that I 'put it off', but rather disregard the process when unnecessary. I tend to do this with communication in general. I also send harlock pronography ads, pictures, and links as a sign of love, but he doesn't seem to notice me ;_;

3. Ever received a ""why don''t you write me?"" In some ways, yes, but it's done in a much more confrontational manner because I don't make it an obligation to call my relatives or whomever cares every 4 days and ramble about nothing in particular just for the sake of 'keeping in touch'. I'll save that pleasure for those who constantly provide me interesting, enlightening and enjoyable experiences, thank you.

4. Ever taken your frustration/bad mood out on others? sometimes, but rarely it happens.

5. Ever had a huge argument and then realized that you were wrong? yeah, it used to happen when I was younger, but now I only get into huge arguments if I'm certain that the belief/knowledge/concept I support is valid, and during those times it's usually the other persons involved that turn it into an argument due to their tendency to defend themselves using emotional explosions, aggressiveness, and/or loudness.

6. Ever left things the way they were just because it would be harder to resolve it? I wish this was more specific, because I could answer this with a 'yes' just because I often create new rules or deny myself certain benefits in video games in order to make the experience much more fufilling. Otherwise, if I don't plan to test myself or improve my ability to handle a similar situation, I'll assess problems as efficiently and directly as possible.

7. Ever thought someone was "hopeless?" I do now, in the same way harlock does.

8. Ever been so dazed that you take a drink of water but completely miss your mouth? I don't recall any specific situation with water, but otherwise, yeah.

9. Ever dropped your toothbrush in the toilet? No, thank zog. My toilet handle is broken so you can imagine the amount of blag that collects inside the bowl before I go to manually pull the chain to flush it all.

10. Have you ever dropped something in the toilet that you HAD to retrieve? yes, and sometimes with stuff in the bowl -_-

11. Ever driven off from the gas station without closing the gas thing? I haven't let to happen to myself but it's happened often with people I rode with. Usually though, I tend to be like harlock and warn them of it before hand.

12. Can you sleep better @ night or during the day? In terms of general sleep quality, the night, but I think it really depends on what kind of bed I have. And unlike harlock, I seem to have more dreams during the day, if only because I wake up more often and as a result I remember them

13. Do you print out pictures of celebrities/musicians off of the Internet? not that I recall.

14. Have you ever entered an art contest? a few times, and it was usually stuff that wasn't directly related to the process of putting elaborate markings on paper.

15. Do you remember the Lisa Frank phase? It was a phase??? and this phase is over? *blink*... I kinda thought of it as a cultural belt that resided between 4th and 9th grade :\

16. Is your favourite colour evident by the clothes you wear? Not too much, but anybody with decent perceptivity can tell that I enjoy clothes of a mellow, simple yet introverted design made up of soft, slighty luminescent colors. The same thing can be said about a lot of things, actually...
Btw, this survey either originated in England or by a person of some sophiscation.

17. Coats and sweaters or tank tops and bathing suits? I sense that this is a question about being reserved or outgoing, but I'll make like harlock and briefly describe my fashion sense (if you would want to call it that): I prefer comfortable pants of a baggy nature (which is why they're comfortable), long shorts (kinda oxymoronic, but think Zell from FF8), along with an unassuming white t-shirt, a carribean/dragon button up t-shirt, and the occasional colored shirt with a witty/unique phrase imprinted on it. I like playing dress-up though, so you might find me in skirts, cowboy pants and flannel, 70s clothes, or anything else I feel like donning.

18. Do you think everyone should have a significant other during the winter months? we don't really get winter in florida, but i can imagine that it would be especially nice to have a snugglebunny when its cold outside. but really, winter or no, its nice to have somebody (for not just harlock, despite lack of personal experience ;_;)

19. Is there a movie that you can really relate to? geez... I haven't watched too many, but to pick one I'd have to choose that 70s movie *I think* steven speilberg first directed. You know, that one involving this mustached guy driving down some long stretch of highway who cuts off this unknown guy in a semitruck, which results in the mustached guy getting chased by that unknown person all throughout the movie up until he drives to his death over a mountain. It was about an hour or so long, and the only part in which any vocal communcation is produced is when the mustached guy stops at a local diner. Even then, 90% of the speech is his thoughts concerning that unknown driver being played out to viewer. It may have just seemed like a movie surrealistically depicting nothing, but to me it signified how a person's harmless daily affairs, even his disposition alone, can indirectly result in undeserving situations which prove to be of an insignificant, easily forgettable nature. Yet, due to the actions of others they forcibly become important to the main person involved who then has to deal with these senseless burdens which upon completion reap no accomplishing benefits except a return to, or establishment of, the rational calmness that should naturally be that persons life.

20. Ever found lyrics to a song that almost exactly describes you? well, yes and no. I haven't found lyrics that directly state who I am as a whole, but I've found numerous songs containing meanings and words that describe a certain facet of my psychology, personality, and/or past situations.

21. Ever go to a ""place of business"" so often that costumers think you work there? It's happened even when I first enter a store. It really depends on how I fit into the nature of the store and the size of it.

22. Would you go to a strip club to watch members of the opposite sex? Same sex? I think such activity is worthless... but one day I might do that, just once, out of curiosity. But, chances are I'd end up feeling let down and frusturated with myself due to me forsaking what my foresight warned me of and then letting my imagination embellish the remaining details I paid attention to.

23. What do you think of guys who dress in drag? It seems like a funny idea, and is probably a good way to release and/or obliterate nervous tensions. Now, I could technically say I dressed in drag once, but it was done as a parody, expressing my concept of the "frenchquarter hooker". It's a long story...

24. Do you think movies overemphasize the differences in society (Sexual preferences, racial, cultural, religious identities)? To quote harlock " it depends on the intent, and whether or not the character is meant to be iconic. more often than not though, this is just the result of unimaginative film writers."
I agree with that entirely, and it's a good enough response as to not require any additional input on my behalf... Well, maybe not. I can mention that this overemphasis is done to also resemble profoundity, since many people mistake meaning with arbitrary ambiguity and/or convolutedness, and make the assumption that these two things can easily be interchanged and nobody would know the difference. (they're correct if you consider the neurotypical will not bother with any thoughts or ideas that can be concieved from meaningful creations and simply accept it as "deep shit", but let us disregard that demographic entirely) If you want to know what I mean, watch some random animes (especially gundam) and you're bound to come across stuff like "step up towards the path of the heavens and fly to deepest blue skies". While things like that can be intepreted as having meaning by itself, it often doesn't bear enough significance to the product it's from, and just ends up being meaningless banter composed of fancy rethoric tacked on carelessly. Basically, it all goes back to what harlock said: unimaginative writers. :\

25. Do you look @ people in the car next to you at the stoplight? Yeah, but I usually do it to see if they're looking at me, and if they are, I'll make an amazingly awkard, strange, bizarre or uncomfortable expression, scene, and/or position and act nonchalant about it. I usually get favorable and enjoyable results, since I do it both as a form of self-amusement and to break others out the patterned thoughts, expectations, chores, and affairs that become their lives.

26. Ever said a word so many times in a row that it didn''t even sound like a word anymore? Yeah. A strange occurance, isn't it? I can only guess that it's due to breaking it down beyond implied recognition and becoming concious of what it naturally is: a weird sound.

27. Was there a book series you read growing up? the only 'series' I've read was the Black Cauldron books. Other than that, I mostly indulged in strange and obscure, scientific, and generally interesting writings at any place that carried it (libraries, peoples houses, etc...). speaking of which, I remember reading the complete and accurate adult (as in designed to be read by a fully matured individual) rendition of the King Auther and Co. legends in 6th grade. Remember kids, don't let Disney and hundreds of bastardized 'child edition' fairy tale books pollute your idea as to what kind of person King Auther was, or the life he lived and the situations that befell him. The sword he got from the stone WAS NOT Excalibur, it was a Fancy Broadsword of Incredibly Good Craftmanship +5, but NOT Excalibur. He got Excalibur from the Lady in the Lake (I'm only mentioning this because I got into a huge argument with a friend named Dennis over this. Damned ignorant buffoon)

28. Do you write letters on notebook paper, stationary, computer paper, other, or all? To quote harlock once more " when at home, i write letters solely electronically, but when travelling i use either notebook paper or linen paper depending on what i have handy" well put, and it applies to me as well.

29. Ever written a letter to someone and weren't able to give it to them because it was so personal and detailed? I could quote harlock again, but I'll just say it differently instead:
I did this a few times, but it was of a nature that clearly showed my unsane, confused, angered, and/or dellusioned self...

30. Where do your wet towels end up after your shower/bath? In this big heaping mound of moist fabric objects and raunchy clothing articles on the floor of my sink&mirror room, which leads to a bathroom and the hallway, both closed off by seperate doors. I tend to wash this mound once or twice a month, depending on the severity of the stench and the stage the mushrooms reached

31. Ever guessed what time it was and been off by Hours? .... I've been off by months -_-

32. Do you have a subscription to anything? not anymore. I've had numerous subscriptions to a variety of things throughout the years, with my latest one being PSM magazine. I stopped renewing it around late 2000, as that marked the time I started to take what I read more seriously and not just for general information and happenings.

33. Do you get more friend mail, business mail, or junk mail? mostly junk mail, but I do get the occasional e-mail stating a change of account for some ohrrpgce member, or maybe afrom a past friend. Other than that, business mail is probably the least amount I get, but by far the most predictable and controllable as I only get it when being involved in something businessish, like ebay transactions or something similar.

34. Ever slept nude? I often end up sleeping with everything I have on (cause I be so tired), which results in me waking up 2 hours later to rip off the clothing and accessories that managed to twist around, strangle, mangle, chafe, and irritate various body parts and areas of mine.

35. Ever walked around your house nude? occasionally, even when somebody is here, but during those times I tend to wear baggy, ripped boxer shorta that reveal a bit too much and requires a lot effort to hold up.

36. Anyone ever accidentally see you naked? Visa versa? Yup, it's happened quite a few times, both to me and to other people. One time I was at my friend Adam's house, and I was positioned on his couch in such a way as to have direct view towards his bathroom door, and his 7 year old brother Christopher ran out from the depths of the back hallway and rammed it, causing the door to fly open and reveal a shower curtain blocking view of his father taking a shower. That wasn't anything notable, but then his father proceeded to yank back the curtain and turn around in such a swift manner as to cause his manhood to swing vigorously, then he quickly chastised his son and got back to his shower.

37. Do you dental floss daily? nah, more like whenever I eat something that leaves stuff in the mouth that necessiates it (popcorn, chips, stringy shit, mushy junk, blarf)

38. Do you use mouthwash or think that brushing is enough? I like having a clean, white smile, but unfortunately, mouthwash is not cheap. But when I do have it I use it vigorously, for I enjoy the feelings it produces (especially listerene).

39. Ever been in the middle of a sexual act and actually Felt The Heat between the two of you? The only heat I've felt so far is palm friction. That's usually the sign to let me know when I need to dab a few globs of petroleum jelly to lubricate things up a bit.

40. Are you able to act? yes, and very well too.

41. Can you give public speeches without freaking out? I don't freak out, but I tend to have some reservations towards gaining the attention of a 'public'. Usually, I try to limit such activity to people that won't hold any foolish preconceptions about various 'sensitive' topics or whatnot, and have the mental attitude to accept truths and adapt themselves to those truths without denial and/or hostility. But of course, I can handle it either way.

42. Ever had to think extremely hard to remember what happened the day before? Sometimes, it's usually not just a day but particular segments of a past occurance I suddenly found interesting and or important to remember.

43. Which is better: Both can be good or bad. h0nk?

44. Do you drive through town, or around it? When I'm actually driving, I'll do whatever suits the purpose efficiently and safely.

45. Ever find humor in a part of a movie that no one else does? Due to my very esoteric and completely strange sense of humor I can usually find humor in a lot more than movies, and usually it's indirectly established rather than being purposely set up.

46. What do you spend most of your money on? too much. Video games, clothes, the bare minimum household cleaners and utensils, soaps, shampoos and conditioners, food, drinks, computer eletronics, books, etc...

47. What do you waste most of your money on? hmm... well, modern times necessitate the purchase of a lot of the things in order to get by comfortably and happily, but what the future has in store for us eliminates any reason to put forth currency towards these things too, so by those standards they can be considered a waste. Others may also look at my hygenic habits as being worthless, but I enjoy them, so bah

48. Can you like the lyrics without liking the song? Usually it's the other way around. I focus on the actual technical composition and execution of the music involved and how the individual(s) producing it influence these things, and if applicable how well it enhances or compliments the scene or situation it's applied to in a move/game.

49. Can you like the song without understanding the lyrics? Like harlock said, I can enjoy songs without being able to decipher what the people say, but due to new high fidelity headphones, a rocking soundcard, and highly tuned settings I rarely have that problem anymore. I also enjoy some songs with foreign vocalizing too, although I don't have too many of those.

50. Are accents a turn on? I'm usually exaggerating them to obnoxious proportions, so I don't often look at it as being something attractive. However, that isn't to say that I wouldn't enjoy a well developed, pleasing accent.

51. Do you dream more good then bad? Well, I can say they're good judging from the fact that they are such one-of-a-kind experiences. My dreams are highly sensual experiences that are often made up of random surreal abstractions from the depths of my inner psyche, feelings and memories. Other times, and much more rarely they are composed senarios which utilize a realistic logical foundation and have much greater detail and feelings of realism than normal. Overall, I most often have dreams that share many qualities from each side of this dichotomy.

52. Can you interpret your own dreams or do you have to have someone else tell you what they think? I believe I interpret them very well, since I usually break down and analyze each of my dreams and see how they came to be and what mental knowledge/sources they've formed from.

53. Radio or cd's? cds :OP

54. Movies or TV series? Both. Movies and televison programs may seem to be constructed based on seperate principles, but it's only like that due to time and financial restrictions involved in the production of products for these two mediums. If given the same resources and time the only seperated methods in experiencing these things would orginate from the desires of the creator(s) involved.

55. Ever regret saying something hurtful? I try not to say things with the intent to hurt another, but sometimes the things I say can, and are, regarded as being 'hurtful' due the person(s) hearing these things taking it irrationally

father: "If I were to live with you and mom (referring to my grandmother) in that house, mr.joe would hafta go, but we'd git alung fine yup yup :B"

me: "No, we wouldn't, so give me word beforehand if you are to actually move in over here"

father: "Why you say that?"

me: " Because I dislike being around you"

father: "You hate me so much ;_; *click*"

me: "That doesn't solve anything (talking to dead line)"

Other than that, there are a few times I said some things with the intent to cause emotional havoc, and yeah, I regret them all the same. :\

56. Ever regret expressing your love? I regret faking expressions, and dislike the idea that I had poor recognition and delluded conceptions of my feelings when I was younger

57. Do you think some things should be left unsaid? Only if a person is in a situation or relationship that doing otherwise would jeopardize his or her personal saftey. But hopefully it won't be like this for much longer...

58. Do you stand up for yourself? A person's legs can only stand himself or herself up, so might as well establish a mental attitude that reflects and promotes this fact :O/ :OP ;Oo

59. Do you stand up for others? If I rationally feel compelled to do so, I'll do my best to assist a person in their struggles.

60. Do you know the difference between standing up for others and fighting someone else's battles? Definitely. Most people who deal with similar problems are just as capable as me, and probably on a higher lv. than I am, so I respect that fact and assist them when I find it necessary and/or benefical.


I didn't proofread much of that, but I'll definitely do so later on, and correct what's clouded and/or poorly worded. I'll also update with some other stuff to say. For now, I'm just too pooped, and my body aches like a decrepit 90 year old witch, so I'll go get some sleep and rejuvenate my body and mind. Feel free to comment.

3 Autobots| Transform and roll out

A possible problem (and some other stuff) [21 Apr 2002|11:46pm]
[ mood | worried ]

I like using this journal. Really, I do. However, it just seems that most of the time my thoughts are too beclouded for me to make any good use out of this service, despite the fact that I use it to assist me in eliminating that problem. It can be rather difficult for me to gather and sort out my thoughts necessary in constructing written works or verbal presentations. Even type-as-I-think-ing doesn't produce optimal results. Today seems to be a better, brighter day (a good thing) for me and my brain, so I should take advantage of that.

I've got the job at K-mart. Nothing special about that, except that now I got a employee discount card which saves me 10% on the total cost of all purchases I make. That's quite a lot, with all things considered, and it gives me a good reason to shop at k-mart (Now that I think about it, that's probably a reason why this employee benefit exists in the first place). The workplace requires their employees to wear a red vest with a name tag only, which is good because anything more than that is unnecessary and a burden onto the employees. It's also cheaper, and more efficient. More stores should take after such an example and eliminate full body uniforms.

... I've talked to my dad recently, and he told of me some rather poor news. The stuff he babbles about is usually irrelevant to me, and I take measures in ignoring it, but this time he spoke of something that, unless some other alternative is available, will severly effect the quality of my living. My dad lives in the house that once belonged to my late great grandmother (who lived her during her later years). It wasn't rightfully his, but he forced himself in anyway. He did this around 10 years ago. Well, my great grandma died recently, and so the ownership of the house is up in the air, with her oldest childern, whom hold the surname of Audibert, claiming ownership of it. My father claims he has a will signed to him, but from what I know of him he's probably just trying to bullshit his way through this mess. Anyway, the Audiberts created a court case over it, which lasted over the past few months. Unfortunately, this is where the bad news comes in:

My father lost.

Normally, I wouldn't care about such matters, but as it has been said before: "Shit flows downhill", and ever since the day I was born I've always been at the bottom of the hill. So, unless my father can get through this mess, there's the possiblity that he'll attempt to live with my grandmother. That means he'll staying with me. I CAN NOT be with that man for any longer than a few hours, so you can understand how I feel about having to share a house with him. Not only that, but my grandmother is very ill, and she has a close friend named Mr.Joe who handles her medication and health requirements. My dad already said "Ah can't live with mr.joe, ahs can't stand him, so if he'd muv out everythang be okay with us. yup yup, it'd be perfect :B". Such foolishness! My dad would surely fail the responsiblity of taking care of my grandmother, either through the abusive use of narcotics available to him or maybe even cause her severe greif with his extremely obstinant and oppressive ways. Let me also note that there's the possiblity that my father could just purposely neglect my grandmother, since her death would earn him a new establishment, at least temporary. Despite how horrible that may seem, it's completely possible. He is a VERY dellusional human being, who can be and often is very irrational. The contriversal death of my uncle has even been associated with his efforts. Although I wouldn't know the validity of that rumor, the principle behind it still stands. To be honest, I don't think a single lj entry would allow me to go into all the problems that would emerge from having to conexist with that man on a daily basis, but I don't plan to. The point is that I've had enough to deal with in my life. I moved in with my grandma two and a half years ago to get away from my troubles, to rid myself of some of the pain and suffering I have to deal with on a daily basis, and now it's being all thrown back into my face, and I have no control over the matter whatsoever. It was bad enough that the reacquaintence with my mother only porcured little money and empty sympthany and advice, it was bad enough that a sleazy woman came into my grandmothers life disguised as a friend who afterwards took advantage of her failing mental health and got two cars, it was bad enough that my dad drained my grandmother's bank account of 13000 dollars to buy him a new Jeep Grand Cherokee when that money could of rightfully went towards me, but now this is just getting to be too much. I can't really control any of this, so all I've been doing is trying my best to stablize my environment and in the process make my life as comfortable as I can. Life has been very bad for me, I got no one to turn to but myself, and it's practically been this way for as long as I've breathed air. . On an unrelated note, Harlock often seems to not understand why I'm like how I am (often depressed, self-destructive, etc...). I thought it would be obvious by now, but this entry should at least just provide some clear insight into the nature of my daily affairs.

Anyway, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I might just move in with my brother, although I doubt that'd solve my issues but rather replace them with new ones. Herohouse/ Harlock, Linda, and Nova's apartment has yet to come to frutition, and I currently have no money anyway, so that's out the question. Speaking of money, I don't know how long I can hold this job now. I might just have to quit it soon, and since it's wage-based, earning sufficient money in time is probably not possible...

It always seems as if doing my best to be who I like to be brings me senseless opposition no matter the circumstances, so maybe I might just forsake the world and adopt a ruthless, uncaring attitude towards it. As a "youknowho" I could easily do as I please, since I'd have a huge mass of mindless people to grant me unconditional access and power over everything imaginable. Of course, due to my self-ingraved beliefs I'd still achieve this status with the intent of destroying it all in the depths of my mind, but by establishing such strong control it would take even more personal effort to undo it. Not only that, chances are good I'd still have others who would share the same position as I do, so I wouldn't have all the power. Anyway, you all probably should not take this paragraph too seriously, as it was a rather poor effort to amuse myself.

Despite all this ranting, there's still no certainty as to what will become of the future. Maybe I'm just being overly pessimistic, or possibly even a bit dellusional. Only time will tell the answers though, so until then all I can do is plan and wait.

Transform and roll out

some hasty ramblings concerning a lost past... [18 Apr 2002|03:42pm]
NovakaiserX: I'd like to create my own site
NovakaiserX: like kaisersoft
NovakaiserX: only better, and focused on me
NovakaiserX: I still enjoy kaisersoft
NovakaiserX: I'm impressed at what I did back then
NovakaiserX: and how much I accomplished
NovakaiserX: the design for the site is almost impeccable
NovakaiserX: the only problem would be the sidebar icons
NovakaiserX: I had the most frusturating ordeal trying to get them looking good
NovakaiserX: because I believed in consistency in design
NovakaiserX: and the applications and shit I was using were running out of trial time ---
NovakaiserX: -_-*
NovakaiserX: but I managed... although I never was able to get the link text looking good while sticking out
NovakaiserX: so they kinda just faded in
NovakaiserX: but oh well
NovakaiserX: I remember making a notepad icon
NovakaiserX: because I got into the hobby if designing site icons
HarlockHero: i'll let you in on an industry secret
NovakaiserX: of*
NovakaiserX: like "THIS SITE WAS MADE IN NOTEPAD"
NovakaiserX: but I made one that said
NovakaiserX: "NOTEPAD SUCKS"
NovakaiserX: which it did at the time
NovakaiserX: if anything, I'll use wordpad for the higher resolution and multi-colored text
HarlockHero: you made the notepad icon?
HarlockHero: i thought that was highly elite
HarlockHero: but anywayh
NovakaiserX: you didn't know?
HarlockHero: the industry secret
HarlockHero: /me draws you nigh
HarlockHero: see, all this talk about integrated design and consistent design
HarlockHero: that's all well and good
HarlockHero: but if you want something that really bamdazzles the populace there's just one place you can turn
HarlockHero: and i think you know who i am :O)
HarlockHero: who i mean*
NovakaiserX: well, I liked it because it showed that I took a serious-minded passion towards what I did
HarlockHero: http://www.andyart.com
http://www.screamdesign.com
HarlockHero: http://www.andyart.com
http://www.screamdesign.com
HarlockHero: http://www.andyart.com
http://www.screamdesign.com
HarlockHero: http://www.andyart.com
http://www.screamdesign.com
HarlockHero: http://www.andyart.com
http://www.screamdesign.com
HarlockHero: http://www.andyart.com
http://www.screamdesign.com
HarlockHero: http://www.andyart.com
http://www.screamdesign.com
HarlockHero: http://www.andyart.com
http://www.screamdesign.com
HarlockHero: http://www.andyart.com
http://www.screamdesign.com
NovakaiserX: no, I don't
HarlockHero: http://www.andyart.com
http://www.screamdesign.com !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NovakaiserX: ...
HarlockHero: :OD
HarlockHero: h0nk h0nk
NovakaiserX: if we were in an rpg battle
NovakaiserX: you would have just successfully landed a backstab
NovakaiserX: a critical one, at that
NovakaiserX: http://www.homestead.com/kaisersoft/
NovakaiserX: I loved homestead back in the day
NovakaiserX: it was the BEST free service
NovakaiserX: fast, efficient
NovakaiserX: the linktext is straightforward too
NovakaiserX: then they started charging :\
NovakaiserX: it was expected, I guess
HarlockHero: do they allow good stuff still?
NovakaiserX: they used to allow unlimited pages (I think) and 10 megs
NovakaiserX: which was awesome for me
NovakaiserX: especially since you were allowed 3 accounts
HarlockHero: i'll host your site and give you ftp access if you want. you can still keep a copy on something like homestead
NovakaiserX: and could chain them together
HarlockHero: for when my comp blows up
NovakaiserX: which meant 30 megs
NovakaiserX: of course, I don't think they would allow multiple instances of bandwidth caps
NovakaiserX: but that never really bothered me
NovakaiserX: I still got a lot of hits for a 2 year-dead site :\
NovakaiserX: check that counter out
NovakaiserX: "contact me through ESP! It's much quicker than snaily e-mail!



"
NovakaiserX: dammit
NovakaiserX: bleef
NovakaiserX: contact me through ESP! It's much quicker than snaily e-mail!




NovakaiserX: I remember some stooge in #ohrrpgce confronted me about that
NovakaiserX: it was either #ohrrpgce
NovakaiserX: or somebody from dimensionrpg
NovakaiserX: which had the most idiotic webmaster, Viper-something
NovakaiserX: Brain did all the work
NovakaiserX: and Viper was like "it's cool and all dude, but I'd rather it be *my* work, ya know :\"
NovakaiserX: but he didn't feel like doing anything
NovakaiserX: so he just closed it down
NovakaiserX: then brain opened RPG X
NovakaiserX: (my idea :LP:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P:YesyesI'maufkcinggeniusryes!!woot"
NovakaiserX: anyway
NovakaiserX: I never got around to doing much for that site
NovakaiserX: I wanted to write reviews, take screenshots, all sorts of l33t shit
NovakaiserX: but eh. It feel through
NovakaiserX: then I started working with Mynd
NovakaiserX: and Brain
NovakaiserX: that fell through for me
NovakaiserX: and brain stopped appearing online
NovakaiserX: then mynd stopped
NovakaiserX: now here I am
NovakaiserX: gut sagging
HarlockHero: you should write your autobiography up to this point
NovakaiserX: listening to a guy singing about giving roses to pretty ladies
HarlockHero: call it "it fell through"
HarlockHero: feature it on your new website
NovakaiserX: playing wizardry
NovakaiserX: not really accomplishing anything other than self-enjoyment and improved sense of gaming
NovakaiserX: remember rpg x?
NovakaiserX: I did the fucking splash page
NovakaiserX: I was so awesome
NovakaiserX: I had the l33test talent for a person my age
HarlockHero: yeah, i remember it
HarlockHero: i remember reading this one thread on the mb
HarlockHero: where brain was like "so much work -_-;;;"
HarlockHero: and you were like 'don't work so hard, dude"
HarlockHero: and he exploded on you
NovakaiserX: yeah
NovakaiserX: but waddya gonna do
NovakaiserX: I was pretty moronic back then
NovakaiserX: less depressed... but more dellusional
NovakaiserX: at least I put 200% into everything that I did
NovakaiserX: because I enjoyed being better than everyone else
NovakaiserX: people made fun of me online, even
NovakaiserX: I remember there being some b.s talk in #ohrrpgce
NovakaiserX: over kaisersoft
NovakaiserX: they must of thought of it as like longetech or something
NovakaiserX: but I didn't care
NovakaiserX: cause I knew they were idiots
HarlockHero: for some reason, i've always been taken "seriously" in the community
HarlockHero: i can't account for it
NovakaiserX: either hiding behind the creative efforts of steve on redmurdock software
NovakaiserX: or not doing anything at all
NovakaiserX: I even have dexdrive saves on my fucking site
NovakaiserX: that's one of the last active pages
NovakaiserX: becuase I had to delete all of them besides 3, I think
NovakaiserX: I worked so hard
NovakaiserX: better put, diligently
NovakaiserX: I had a vision... I wanted to create my own community
NovakaiserX: and I held nothing back in achieving that
NovakaiserX: those counter stats aren't arbitrary
NovakaiserX: I may have made an ass out of myself numerous times
NovakaiserX: but I got attention
NovakaiserX: and that's what mattered
NovakaiserX: If I ever made a demo of saga back in the day
NovakaiserX: it would have been THE ohr creation to beat
NovakaiserX: because I saw everything else lacking in effort, integration, ambition
NovakaiserX: it was like "Lol, I made uh game! duhhhhhhhh!!!! :OP"
NovakaiserX: I couldn't understand it
NovakaiserX: here they have one of the greatest opportunities available
NovakaiserX: after playing all the commerically available stuff out there, the player finally gets a chance to show the world what he thinks a good game is
NovakaiserX: and we have crap
NovakaiserX: "lol!!!! here's my umpteenth demo!!!!! I'm so fickled-minded and weasly-willed that I can't concentrate on one project long enough to accually accomplish anything!!!! :P"
NovakaiserX: the one thing that really kept me going
NovakaiserX: was fuabmx
NovakaiserX: I felt a seething rivalry between me and whiteowl
HarlockHero: i preferred origin to fuabmx
NovakaiserX: everybody regarded his game as "TEH BEST YET!!!" :P:P:P
HarlockHero: origin made me take ohr seriously
NovakaiserX: and I planned to overshadow his efforts 100000x times
NovakaiserX: once I was done, nobody would have been able to even look at my game without pissing on themselves
NovakaiserX: but.... *sigh*
NovakaiserX: it just isn't like it used to be
NovakaiserX: I don't believe I played origin, although it was probably one of the games I said I'd download every other day
NovakaiserX: and never got around to it
NovakaiserX: I never really took too much interest in other people's games
NovakaiserX: when I did play them
NovakaiserX: I enjoyed them for the same reasons as the creators did
NovakaiserX: (assuming that the creators actually did)
NovakaiserX: I saw them as being indivdual efforts being put forth to make something
NovakaiserX: not as a complete game, but rather a symbol of the creator's personality, tastes, etc
NovakaiserX: although even with this in mind I also went about playing other people's games because I always wanted to see how much better I could do something myself
NovakaiserX: remember honts?
HarlockHero: yeah
NovakaiserX: even today that's a better game than half the blag out there
NovakaiserX: although the sad truth is that most people don't take an interest in it like they used to... or it may just be me who changes my perception of the community
NovakaiserX: changed*
NovakaiserX: honts probably has the best fake plotscripting segment ever
NovakaiserX: the whole intro was coded by me
NovakaiserX: and me alone
NovakaiserX: it was fucking awesome
NovakaiserX: having the ability to check out a website on a computer
NovakaiserX: and read different posts
NovakaiserX: with multiple choices that become available after time
NovakaiserX: blah, scratch that last im x-x
HarlockHero: i remember that
NovakaiserX: what I meant to say is that you would have to play through it at least twice in order to read every comment
HarlockHero: and how you had community members respond to you in a fiery manner
NovakaiserX: yeah
NovakaiserX: because the idiot you played as... Nick something, I forget the last name
NovakaiserX: just made games based on arbitrary decisions
HarlockHero: his game was called fantasy warriors or something
NovakaiserX: and was like "LOL TEH GAME FANATASY WARRURZ IS DE BEST GAME EVA!!!!"
NovakaiserX: yes
NovakaiserX: YES
NovakaiserX: FANATASY WARRIORS
NovakaiserX: he was so dellusional... and I impress myself to this day with the language I utilized in achieving a believable character
NovakaiserX: I was making honts because I wanted to see better efforts out there
NovakaiserX: better developed games
NovakaiserX: a seriousness concerning the issues of game development
NovakaiserX: not just the lackaday efforts and petty flamewars everybody took part in
NovakaiserX: but no matter how great they were... the only person to appreciate all these efforts though... was me ;_;
HarlockHero: i remember offering to help with honts immediately after seeing it
NovakaiserX: god, I don't know what I can do now
NovakaiserX: I never released saga because it had to be the best game ever created
NovakaiserX: I couldn't settle for anything less
NovakaiserX: and I was only satisfied in my efforts
NovakaiserX: nobody elses
NovakaiserX: as everyone I knew was totally inept at the time
NovakaiserX: unfortunately, my visions were so grand even I couldn't live up to the standards that I wanted to achieve
NovakaiserX: after awhile, I got stumped, because I started to doubt the ohr's technical abilities
NovakaiserX: it just wasn't enough to allow me what I wanted to do
NovakaiserX: even with the emergence of plotscripting
NovakaiserX: it wasn't enough
NovakaiserX: but back then, I didn't have much competition
NovakaiserX: I only saw fuabmx and evildead as the only opposition
NovakaiserX: each a respectable lv. 20 something warrior/sorceror/ninja/etc
NovakaiserX: but I knew they were easily defeatable
NovakaiserX: but now
NovakaiserX: the actual competition left is stronger
NovakaiserX: wider, larger
NovakaiserX: I'm just not up to the task anymore
NovakaiserX: all I can do is create games that are touchstones of personal tastes and creativity, but I don't know if I can achieve that elusive no.1 rank anymore
NovakaiserX: or no.1 status*
NovakaiserX: granted, I know it's almost impossible on an objective scale
NovakaiserX: but what I mean is that I'd like it to be the most shining example in game creation by an individual
NovakaiserX: it wouldn't have to be liked by everybody, but nobody would be able to doubt it's quality
NovakaiserX: and perfection in execution, design, and artwork
NovakaiserX: but it's all gone now
NovakaiserX: all that's left is a :\ me
NovakaiserX: and a -_- me
NovakaiserX: mostly just plain :(
NovakaiserX: which is easily understable by anybody who recognizes the basic emoticons
3 Autobots| Transform and roll out

recent happenings [18 Apr 2002|01:07pm]
[ mood | pensive ]
[ music | VL. Blackwell - Umph, Umph, Umph, My, My, My, A ROSE ]

Well, I did the job for my mother, which quickly turned into two jobs. The first workday was Saturday morning at 8:30 am. I helped rake a foot of leaves on her expansive yard, fill up this enormous bags with them, and drag them around for about 8 hours. During that time I also helped on some cleanup duties, like pressure spraying the pool deck to remove stains from the wood and furniture. Because of how well I did the job, I got the opportunity to help clean up the next day at 9:30 am. I arrive, start helping my mother's husband cut up and drag away gigantic tree limbs (and even the bulk of a tree, which probably weighed around 100+ pounds, but since I'm so strong I managed to pick that up and haul it away all by myself). Afterwards, I assist in raking up the remanding leaves around her plant garden, and rearrange the